But my life turned out okay, didn’t it?
That’s the answer I’d expect from some people after I write the post I want to write. This wouldn’t be the response I’d get from the people who already “get it.” It would be from the ones who regularly refute the premise, but for some reason, they’d be more inclined to listen to me even if they’d continue to disagree with me.
And then they’d remind me that despite all that had happened my life turned out okay, didn’t it?
And to them, I’d just want to say that yes, it did. It turned out okay. And that still doesn’t make it right. That still doesn’t make it an acceptable loss.
It’s hard to imagine there are still people in the world who would ask the question “if it were true, why did they take so long to say anything about it?”
I keep waiting for my parents to ask the question so I can remind them what happened the two or three times I told them about it right after it happened.
You weren’t there, so I’ll tell you.
Nothing. I was told not to make a fuss. I was told not to make a scene. In one case I was told I was overreacting and exaggerating despite having a male family member corroborate my story. And when I refused to be near or friendly with the person that was making me uncomfortable, I was chided and accused of being rude.
It was happening right under their nose, not just once. Not twice, but THREE times. Though, one of those times I was all for it; but looking through the lens of maturity now, they should have said something. It was highly inappropriate.
But, of course, they didn’t want to make a scene.
Yes, my life turned out okay. Just like when my dad sold my car without talking to me about it first, and…well, I mean, I love my Prius now, so that turned out okay, right? Why would I still be upset with him for doing that without talking to me about it first if it all turned out okay?
For millions of others, that’s not the case. They don’t end up “okay.” And even if it were…even if everyone who ever got groped without consent, or raped, or had their personal space and personal agency violated in anyway turned out okay it would STILL not make it okay for that shit to have happened to them.
So, why don’t they speak up sooner?
Are you listening? Or did your wall go up as soon as you figured out what this post was about?
polyammering 