Ethical Nonmonogamy | Polyamory

Empathy in time of crisis

Here’s to all the solos and non-nesting individuals out there who are no longer able to touch their partners because shelter in place and physical/social distancing precludes them from making physical contact.

Here’s to all the immune compromised people out there who are unable to spend physical time with their partners for their own health and safety.

Here’s to all the long distance lovers out there who cannot fly or travel to make their much-anticipated quality time a reality.

Here’s to all the secondaries and closeted polyams who can no longer spend quality time at bars or restaurants because sleepovers have been prohibited, or who cannot take advantage of the kids being away at school to get a little private time in at home.

Here’s to all the casual partners and FWB’s who will opt out of their “benefits” clause for the time being. You don’t need to be in love to care or feel loss.

There are many stories of hardship and separation that we’re not going to see represented in a lot of spaces outside of those that acknowledge and celebrate the diversity that can exist in love and connection.

Some of you will feel sad acceptance. Some will feel anger or abandonment. Some will feel disappointment and helplessness. Many are terrified.

All your feelings are valid. You are not alone in having these experiences. Try not to allow your brain to tell you otherwise.

And for those who are nested, primary spouses and co-parents….this is the time to recognize your privilege and have some compassion and consideration for your metamours, even if you never really liked or wanted them.

Kindness is going to be the most valuable commodity we can share with one another, and in a time of fear and insecurity, it can be as scarce as toilet paper despite there being an ample supply to meet everyone’s needs. Don’t hoard your kindness. If you can’t muster any for your metamour, then try to for the sake of your partner in common who is perhaps not feeling as “lucky” as you are.

1 thought on “Empathy in time of crisis”

  1. Thank you Phoebe! It’s nice to get words of encouragement from someone who understands the complexity of “shelter in place” for all our different situations! I agree—try to focus on kindness, generosity, compassion, and courage. Be well, and love well, everyone!


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