imagine if every time I started dating a polyamorous person, I gave up on the relationship because I compared our relationship to one they enjoyed with someone else - whether it's someone they had been with for years or someone they'd just started dating.
I think there was a moment when I had the full realization that a non-romantic partner could be as important to me as a romantic partner - which, when I type it out right now seems like, "well, duh..." but in that moment it felt like an epiphany.
We need to have compassion for one another regardless of our individual circumstances. Comparing hardships is about as helpful as comparing partners – it’s not.
Kindness is going to be the most valuable commodity we can share with one another...
That's when the forensic relationship accounting begins. Someone (usually the mono person in the relationship) begins looking at the relationship the way an accountant might view a business profit and loss statement. They are able to clearly see the benefits for their polyamorous partner, and perhaps even for their newfound metamour - but on their own end, all they see are big red expenses.
While I'm probably not the person to write the post that tells all the polycules ten surefire ways to avoid getting and transmitting coronavirus, I am the person that writes the post that tells all the polycules that the conversation about establishing your polycule's health and wellness protocols should be included in your polyamory starter-pack.
More often than not, when people avoid telling their partner something they know should tell them because they're worried it might cause a fight or a breakup, there's a chance their partner will consider it cheating.
She’s right there, asking me “But what If I do have sex with someone else and I end up feeling awful about it? What if I get my heart broken or my ego bruised? What if it makes me so emotional that it scares them off ‘cause now I’m crying and I can’t explain why? What if they feel used because this all turns out to prove that I’m not polyamorous and I can’t do it?”
By now (if you're in the United States), you've likely had at least one conversation about how your polycule is going to handle Thanksgiving (or Friendsgiving), and I'm guessing there's more than a handful of hinge partners out there that are starting to feel the pressure of multiple paramours vying for spots on the holiday calendar.
What I really want to do is help people understand that there are healthy and unhealthy ways to do either, and there is definitely a way to make it work when a partnership has one of each.