She’s right there, asking me “But what If I do have sex with someone else and I end up feeling awful about it? What if I get my heart broken or my ego bruised? What if it makes me so emotional that it scares them off ‘cause now I’m crying and I can’t explain why? What if they feel used because this all turns out to prove that I’m not polyamorous and I can’t do it?”
By now (if you're in the United States), you've likely had at least one conversation about how your polycule is going to handle Thanksgiving (or Friendsgiving), and I'm guessing there's more than a handful of hinge partners out there that are starting to feel the pressure of multiple paramours vying for spots on the holiday calendar.
What I really want to do is help people understand that there are healthy and unhealthy ways to do either, and there is definitely a way to make it work when a partnership has one of each.
Imagine thinking that you failed at accepting polyamory in one sentence, and in the next being so fully accepting of his polyamorous identity that you're willing to end the relationship rather than try to force him to change.
There's a new meme going around, and I like a LOT of what it has to say. In case you haven't seen it, it's the one that suggests a more positive approach to evaluating your relationship(s). Instead of looking for "red flags," it invites people to look at the "green flags."
Kyra Grosman is a Brooklyn-based therapist who’s doing something really interesting – he is offering consultation and ongoing supervision for mental health professionals who are working with polyamorous or ethically nonmonogamous patients. Kyra himself has a fascinating story that he shares with us. He doesn’t actually identify as polyamorous himself, but more along the lines… Continue reading Polyammering Podcast Episode 10: Kyra Grosman
The next thing you know, the insecurity is in control not only of the established relationship, but its tendrils are reaching in and poking at the soft spots in the nascent one as well.