My aunt, on the topic of love, has always said "when you feel, you know..." and I was starting to think that the concept of boundaries was as nebulous as trying to define the concept of love.
I would never have to enjoy my life without him. I would have my pepperoni forever. He made me happy. He loved me. I loved him. This whole pizza thing was making me hungry and confused.
There was that one time when he had me tied up and was in the middle of sexytimes with me when she called...
The patterns exist and are recognizable. They are reinforced by the messages we consume, whether they are generated from the society's large-scale mononormative culture, or the small microcosms of polyamorous subcultures. We internalize and normalize them until we don't even see them anymore.
As a monoamorous person who has dated a handful of polyamorous partners over the last four years, I am happy to say that I have never had to increase or reduce the number of people I have wanted to be in a relationship with to make any partner happy.
If I were a Phyllis, and the only type of "camping" that could work for me was one that included a 24-hour room service menu, 10,000 thread count sheets, and HBO access - then I think we can all agree that it's not really camping.
From the archives: This post was originally published on Fetlife a few years ago. I'm starting to transfer some of those posts over here. This one's hard for me to write. I've started it several times and abandoned it along the way. It's about need. In a previous writing that a lot of you did… Continue reading Yet another essay about want and need and overcoming codependency