The patterns exist and are recognizable. They are reinforced by the messages we consume, whether they are generated from the society's large-scale mononormative culture, or the small microcosms of polyamorous subcultures. We internalize and normalize them until we don't even see them anymore.
As a monoamorous person who has dated a handful of polyamorous partners over the last four years, I am happy to say that I have never had to increase or reduce the number of people I have wanted to be in a relationship with to make any partner happy.
If I were a Phyllis, and the only type of "camping" that could work for me was one that included a 24-hour room service menu, 10,000 thread count sheets, and HBO access - then I think we can all agree that it's not really camping.
From the archives: This post was originally published on Fetlife a few years ago. I'm starting to transfer some of those posts over here. This one's hard for me to write. I've started it several times and abandoned it along the way. It's about need. In a previous writing that a lot of you did… Continue reading Yet another essay about want and need and overcoming codependency
When you're saying "it's fine" and it's clearly not.
All relationships are a gamble. Poly. Mono. Something in between. Something on another spectrum entirely. There's no guarantee that it will work indefinitely. You can only succeed if you try, but even then...it's not guaranteed.
Do your ups and downs have forward motion -- or do you keep revisiting the same spot over and over again?