She’s right there, asking me “But what If I do have sex with someone else and I end up feeling awful about it? What if I get my heart broken or my ego bruised? What if it makes me so emotional that it scares them off ‘cause now I’m crying and I can’t explain why? What if they feel used because this all turns out to prove that I’m not polyamorous and I can’t do it?”
David Miron (he/him or they/them) is a 60 year old bisexual and polyamorous former methodist pastor, church musician, and certified coach with Erotic Blueprints. We talk about the intersection of religion and polyamory as well as the intersection of polyamory and BDSM. Visit David's website at slutofthecloth.org https://soundcloud.com/polyammering/davidmiron
My aunt, on the topic of love, has always said "when you feel, you know..." and I was starting to think that the concept of boundaries was as nebulous as trying to define the concept of love.
Identities, for me, are not permanent. Well, not all of them, anyway. I allow for plenty of fluidity and lots of possibility for change in my life, so when I say I am monoamorous, I generally mean "have been up to this point in my life."
Once or twice a year I let my mind wander and imagine what it would be like to have another romantic relationship in addition to the amazing one I'm already in.
I would never have to enjoy my life without him. I would have my pepperoni forever. He made me happy. He loved me. I loved him. This whole pizza thing was making me hungry and confused.
There was that one time when he had me tied up and was in the middle of sexytimes with me when she called...
I want to do it again. I want to understand why last night my tolerance for pain was so high I couldn't feel any of it; where other nights the sting of a slap on the ass makes the walls turn white.
The patterns exist and are recognizable. They are reinforced by the messages we consume, whether they are generated from the society's large-scale mononormative culture, or the small microcosms of polyamorous subcultures. We internalize and normalize them until we don't even see them anymore.
What if where you are in your life is EXACTLY where you're supposed to be right now? What would that be like, to stop comparing your current location to a perceived end-game?