Coaching | Mentoring, Ethical Nonmonogamy | Polyamory, Kinkstuff, Love & Relationships

Does the flu shot cause insomina? and other middle-of-the-night musings

I googled the life span of a mosquito and the intarwebs said ten days, but I swear that little blood sucker has been plaguing me weeks. I finally lured it out of the bedroom, at least. Thursday night, I ate dinner in my bedroom ’cause it flew by my ear when I was sitting on the sofa.

I’ve already been its dinner for a while, as evidenced by the bites running up and down my legs.

How long do the side effects of a flu shot last, anyway? She told me my upper arm would be sore. “How sore?” I asked. “Like you got punched in the arm.”

“I can handle that,” I said.

She didn’t mention it would also be itchy and burning and that my armpit glands would swell up and be tender. She didn’t mention that at all. I was all but ready to go to urgent care this morning when I thought to look up common side effects of the flu shot and the swollen armpit gland was one of them.

Now I want to know how long that’s going to last, but the hypochondriac in me is afraid to look it up, because the google results for “swollen armpit glands” were not pretty.

I had an amazing scene last night and I keep wanting to express all the many ways that it felt amazing. There was some catharsis involved, since yesterday was officially my last day at an 11-year job that I’ve spent the past 5 weeks wrapping up. All day today I keep pressing that spot where he bit me on the shoulder so hard and remembering how amazing and strange it was that I wasn’t registering anything as pain last night.

But there was this moment at the beginning of our scene where the whole world got quiet. Now, mind you – this scene was happening in the privacy of my bedroom, and there was no “world” to speak of, but I can’t explain it any other way. At once I was standing in front of him in my bedroom and I was transported back in time to our second-ever scene, which happened 3 years ago at our local dungeon. That was the night I experienced my first clothespin zipper.

So simultaneously I was there and here and there was everybody watching and nobody at all and all of a sudden the two realities combined and the memory of that night three years ago lost all sound. It was just him and me and this connection and nothing else.

The feeling felt brand new and familiar all at once, and it was exquisitely overwhelming to the point where I think I may have been in a state of constant orgasm for about five minutes while I was just standing there getting clothespins put on.

I want to do it again. I want to understand why last night my tolerance for pain was so high I couldn’t feel any of it; where other nights the sting of a slap on the ass makes the walls turn white.

Was it because I was rolling on the high of breaking free of my job (plus that bit of cannabis we smoked?) or….I don’t know, is this another weird side effect of the flu shot?

Started watching Wanderlust on Netflix tonight. For those not in the know, it’s a British television series starring Toni Colette about a couple who open up their 20 year+ relationship for the first time. It has exceeded my expectations (which were that it was going to be a comedy that poked fun at the concept of ethical nonmonogamy). It’s not so much comedy, though it has its lighthearted moments – but some of the scenes (especially the most recent episode I saw with a long scene involving Collette’s character and her therapist) are really poignant.

The show isn’t in a hurry to tell its story. There are long moments of silence that I’d normally be annoyed by – but in this context, they feel very, very real. And they’re acknowledged.

I’m hopeful for this series to show the growth of this couple over time if they continue with their open marriage. It’s definitely addressing a lot of the rookie mistakes that newly opening up couples tend to make (though, thankfully, Unicorn Hunting does not appear to be one of them).

I’ve decided to sell the guest bed in my 2nd bedroom to turn it into a proper home office. I’ve spent the last four days looking for inspiration on wayfair and pinterest and other websites. I like the idea of a living wall in the room I would be working in. I want it to be cozy and inviting. I want white and warm wood colors and blue/turquoise accents. I want big, bold art that speaks to me hanging on the walls, inspiring me every day.

And then I remember that I’m unemployed and all of that costs money, so I am going to start with selling the existing bedroom set and some of the furniture I have in my garage and buying a desk, a chair, and a new desktop computer. The rest will have to grow as my business grows.

Speaking of my business growing, I am still kind of feeling like I need an actual break between the career I’ve had for 20 years and the start of this new adventure, but as hard as I tried to schedule said break, I feel like I have a ton to do! I need to figure out DBAs and invoicing and client agreements and two websites (I need something vanilla facing so I can also consult for nonprofit organizations). In the middle of it all I still have all the coursework toward my credential as a Professional Life Coach, and I really want to review everything I’ve learned so far in an organized way – which means I need to organize it first.

Also, I tried to set up a Patreon to launch when I start writing my book next month and it glitched, which just feels like another thing left unfinished that’s probably keeping me up at 2am instead of sleeping soundly.

I suppose I can’t blame it all on the flu shot.

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