There's a new meme going around, and I like a LOT of what it has to say. In case you haven't seen it, it's the one that suggests a more positive approach to evaluating your relationship(s). Instead of looking for "red flags," it invites people to look at the "green flags."
The patterns exist and are recognizable. They are reinforced by the messages we consume, whether they are generated from the society's large-scale mononormative culture, or the small microcosms of polyamorous subcultures. We internalize and normalize them until we don't even see them anymore.