We've been socialized since birth to view everything in terms of "which is better, which is worse" and it's really difficult to unlearn that habit.
"...how we internalize [hurt feelings] to send us a message about what our relationship(s) mean to our partner(s) can sometimes be more destructive than [they] need to be. "
It's a common misconception that in order for a mono person and non-mono person to make it work together, the bulk of the emotional labor falls to the mono person to "get over" the script that society had given them.
My aunt, on the topic of love, has always said "when you feel, you know..." and I was starting to think that the concept of boundaries was as nebulous as trying to define the concept of love.
Identities, for me, are not permanent. Well, not all of them, anyway. I allow for plenty of fluidity and lots of possibility for change in my life, so when I say I am monoamorous, I generally mean "have been up to this point in my life."
There was that one time when he had me tied up and was in the middle of sexytimes with me when she called...
The patterns exist and are recognizable. They are reinforced by the messages we consume, whether they are generated from the society's large-scale mononormative culture, or the small microcosms of polyamorous subcultures. We internalize and normalize them until we don't even see them anymore.