. But when I parent my inner child - that little collection of her memories that I carry - I finally understand at how society, my family, and my beloved late husband had all molded into their version of who they wanted me to be.
Move the Goal Post: On relationship “failures”
Imagine thinking that you failed at accepting polyamory in one sentence, and in the next being so fully accepting of his polyamorous identity that you're willing to end the relationship rather than try to force him to change.
Non Sequitur – A Birthday Request
My birthday is coming this week. I'll be 39. Save the date for next year. There will be a celebration. But for this year, it's pretty low key. Back in my 20s I set the standard that I only celebrate the Zeros and the Fives with parties, but the rest of the birthdays pass by… Continue reading Non Sequitur – A Birthday Request
Seven: On the occasion of my wedding anniversary
I wonder, had this been a relay and not a reboot, if he'd been around to meet you, how he would have felt about this quirky situation of ours?
Countdown to year three
I'm 11 mornings short of three years. Like with most of my traumas, I'm able to talk about it now with time-seasoned detachment. It's a story that happened to someone else - a different version of me. But sometimes the emotions sneak up on me. Like, when I'm approximately 12 mornings short of three years… Continue reading Countdown to year three
Can you help me? (Or: Why I’ll never allow a television in my bedroom again)
It's not surprising that he's crept into my thoughts more during the past week. I learned how to Christmas with him in my life. Doesn't help that google likes to remind me what happened "on this day" X years ago. Anything more than 3 years usually includes memories of the time that my label was… Continue reading Can you help me? (Or: Why I’ll never allow a television in my bedroom again)
Wipe the Glass (Happy Birthday, Tony.)
He'd have been 55 today. I didn't want it to affect me, but I can't pretend it didn't. It's a really strange combination of emotions - knowing that I'm happier and healthier now, knowing that I've found love again and pulled my life back together and survived an incredible loss. And still feeling off on… Continue reading Wipe the Glass (Happy Birthday, Tony.)
I don’t know who I am without you
When he passed away, something extraordinary happened: I survived.
In which I win at life
Today would have been my sixth wedding anniversary. Those of you who have been following along know the implications of that sentence. Or, rather, you probably think you know. I barely understand the implications of that sentence. On the drive home last night, I realized that where will come a time (approximately two years from… Continue reading In which I win at life
I Dream of Poly
It was the first time I'd encountered Tony in a dream since his death that wasn't laced with fear, angst, anger, or disappointment.