Love & Relationships, Self-Discovery

Yet another essay about want and need and overcoming codependency

From the archives:  This post was originally published on Fetlife a few years ago.  I'm starting to transfer some of those posts over here. This one's hard for me to write. I've started it several times and abandoned it along the way. It's about need. In a previous writing that a lot of you did… Continue reading Yet another essay about want and need and overcoming codependency

Love & Relationships, Self-Discovery

Learning to love without solutions: further insights from a recovering codependent

Many years ago, I had a friend, Brian, who went through therapy and was able to accept that he had codependent tendencies. With his therapist, he began to set boundaries, and by talking about it with his friends, he kept cementing the new value-set in his brain. Problem was, Brian turned into a bit of… Continue reading Learning to love without solutions: further insights from a recovering codependent

Ethical Nonmonogamy | Polyamory, Love & Relationships, Self-Discovery

Willie Nelson and Monstrous Gorillas

I've got Willie Nelson's nasal voice in my head singing "you are always on my mind," on the upswing.  The first time he says it in the verse when it sounds hopeful, not the second time when it sounds complacent. Last night I had a dream I was driving a white van with a bunch… Continue reading Willie Nelson and Monstrous Gorillas

Self-Discovery

A Superficial but Relevant Take on Self-Love: (Or, How My Mom Mommy-Dommed Me Into Loving Myself)

She knew this was something I had to be forced to recognize as a priority, because living as the codependent caregiver for a depressed hoarder, I'd not been one for a long, long time.

Loss and Grieving, Love & Relationships

Vignettes in Perspective

The good girl never wins.

Kinkstuff, Love & Relationships, Self-Discovery

Can I need it?

"But as soon as I know it's an option, I start to want it.  I know I don't need it, but I wonder....CanI need it?"