"...how we internalize [hurt feelings] to send us a message about what our relationship(s) mean to our partner(s) can sometimes be more destructive than [they] need to be. "
Identities, for me, are not permanent. Well, not all of them, anyway. I allow for plenty of fluidity and lots of possibility for change in my life, so when I say I am monoamorous, I generally mean "have been up to this point in my life."
If I were a Phyllis, and the only type of "camping" that could work for me was one that included a 24-hour room service menu, 10,000 thread count sheets, and HBO access - then I think we can all agree that it's not really camping.
The subject of hierarchy comes up often in poly discussion groups. People generally fall into the camps of "hierarchy is fine" or "hierarchy is evil" and usually those who fall into the former are at the top of the pyramid, and those in the latter have been burned by being at the bottom. I think… Continue reading Some thoughts on Hierarchy vs Couples Privilege
Imagine if I were to ask if anybody else out there has a kink of "playing poly." When asked to explain what I mean by "playing at poly," I described it as "you know, like when you pretend to sleep with everyone indiscriminately and not give a shit about what your partners think." I'll just… Continue reading Your Kink is Not My Kink, but Your Words Fucking Matter
...the bottom line is - we don't hate the concept of polyamory. We just don't wanna be poly ourselves.
The most frequent statement I read from people trying to transition into polyamorous relationships for their partner is the sense that they feel like they are "not enough." Whenever I see that line, my heart sort of aches for them. I understand that feeling and where it comes from, but somehow it doesn't affect me… Continue reading The thing about not feeling “enough”
Don't be a Darren.