“I know you’re being careful, I just…I’m concerned. I’m just afraid you’re going to get hurt.”
Listen, friend/mom/aesthetician/coworker, I really appreciate that you care about me and don’t want to see me hurt. I don’t want to see me hurt either. Seriously, nobody wants to see me hurt (nonconsensually). Ask around. I don’t have many enemies.
But poly guys do not have the market cornered on inducing heartbreak.
I run the same risk of being hurt by a traditional, monogamous relationship as I do being involved with someone who openly admits to loving more than one person.
“But remember last time? That guy did you so wrong. He really hurt you.”
Yes. You’re right. And the one before that, too. And the one before that. And ..well, there have been many guys since i started dating at 14 years old until now who have hurt or disappointed me.
Only two of them have identified as poly. All the others practiced some form of monogamy (or at least claimed to).
I don’t walk around in my daily life volunteering the information that the man I’m involved with is involved with other people, but I also don’t attempt to hide it. I won’t lie. I did finally tell my mom (and my brother) about this situation because they kept asking questions. They’ve known me long enough. They knew there was a reason I was so happy.
And the last time my mom started up with the “I’m just worried you’re going to get hurt,” stuff I responded with, “I know, mom. I could get hurt by any guy, even a more traditional one. But, listen – it really means a lot to me that I don’t have to lie to you about this.“
So, for the friends, hairdressers, wax-ladies, and coworkers who want to make sure that I know that they care – I gotcha. I know. Your concern has been registered and filed away with the Department of External Apprehension.
Should things turn sideways and I do, in fact, get hurt; you can cash in that “I told you so.” Until then, how’s about you just be happy for my happy?
‘Cause I am. Happy.