A few years ago, my boss banned all soft drinks from the office. I hadn’t had a soft drink in two years by my own choice, but the minute she asserted that I could not have any, the first thing I wanted to do was go down a six pack of Diet Coke.
Though I might identify as a “submissive” or a “bottom,” I still like knowing that I’m the one in ultimate control over myself. That’s what the safeword is for. At any time, I can opt out of whatever the fuck is going on and say “my life, my decision.”
I’ve known that type of “poly” where the guy says he doesn’t have a problem with his partner dating other women, but isn’t “comfortable” with her going near another penis. Her comfort, by the way, with him having lines of fresh new pussy to sniff every weekend was not really his concern. She had to learn to overcome her insecurities, obviously.
Now I’m in a relationship where the man I’m sleeping with sleeps with other people, and I do not. It’s my choice, though. I don’t feel any desire to date anybody else. Doing so just to make him feel more comfortable, or to make me feel like we’re “even” is counter-intuitive to me doing what I want for me.
What I want is him. I have him.
Now, I have a feeling he’d be more comfortable if I were poly as well. When we decided to level up from play partner to partner-partner, we talked about it. I accepted that he is hard-wired for polyamory and he accepted that I am hard-wired for monogamy(ish). It wasn’t like “sweet deal, built-in one-penis-policy!” for him. It was “am I willing to risk that one day I won’t be enough for her?”
Could I date others if I wanted to? Yeah. I could. He’d not stop me. He might even encourage it. But, ick, even the thought of it makes my stomach turn. It’s not what I want.
And it’s a good thing that he lets that be my decision. Based on my reaction to the arbitrary soda ban, imagine if he were to suddenly demand that I adhere to an outside penis ban?