"Bear down on it," he ordered. I was naked and collared, on my hands and knees at the foot of the four-poster bed, around the leg of which he'd used a thigh harness to strap a large, purple phallus at the exact height required for my impalement. Just kidding. I'm not telling that story yet.… Continue reading The ol’ switcheroo
I'm 11 mornings short of three years. Like with most of my traumas, I'm able to talk about it now with time-seasoned detachment. It's a story that happened to someone else - a different version of me. But sometimes the emotions sneak up on me. Like, when I'm approximately 12 mornings short of three years… Continue reading Countdown to year three
We lost a lot of our heroes, idols, role models, and artists this year. For many people, a David Bowie, a Harper Lee, an Alan Rickman, a Muhammad Ali, or a Carrie Fisher might have been the person they could look to in an isolating world and feel less alone. Did you know Alan Rickman… Continue reading For me, it was Anton Yelchin
It's not surprising that he's crept into my thoughts more during the past week. I learned how to Christmas with him in my life. Doesn't help that google likes to remind me what happened "on this day" X years ago. Anything more than 3 years usually includes memories of the time that my label was… Continue reading Can you help me? (Or: Why I’ll never allow a television in my bedroom again)
I went to sleep when my candidate suggested that we do so. I can understand her not wanting us to be awake to bear witness to the hour in which she conceded this election to a reality television show star. But, I woke up a few hours later and couldn't help it. I refreshed the… Continue reading 3:00 AM; November 9, 2016
Her shoulders are hunched as she takes each knock-kneed baby step toward the kitchenette, using her french-manicured and liver-spotted hands to steady herself on any furniture she passes along the way. I offer to help, but no. She won't allow it. I sit back and send an email to work that I'll be late this… Continue reading Ritual
I was lucky not to have been born yet when the hate would have been pointed in my direction, not for anything I'd done or even really believed in. Just for being born. For existing and having a last name that identified me as someone worthy of being hated. Also lucky my ancestors got out… Continue reading Even if they never come for me…
For you, I am not descended from the heavens but grown from the earth.
He'd have been 55 today. I didn't want it to affect me, but I can't pretend it didn't. It's a really strange combination of emotions - knowing that I'm happier and healthier now, knowing that I've found love again and pulled my life back together and survived an incredible loss. And still feeling off on… Continue reading Wipe the Glass (Happy Birthday, Tony.)
When he passed away, something extraordinary happened: I survived.